|
Do you have a burning question? A question that must be answered,
heard and talked about? then... ASK
VICTORIA?
Dear
Ms Vic,
My
girlfriend and I fell hard and fast for each other. We were inseparable.
After a month or so she starting treating me different. She was
very inconsiderate and disrespectful to me. She was so shocked
when I broke up with her. We began to talk again, and she convinced
me that the person I was with wasn't her. She begged me for a
chance to let her prove that she could treat me the way I deserve.
I gave her that chance. Everything was great...we were taking
things one day at a time and I felt myself falling in love with
her all over again. Last week, a lady that I had met in a club
instant messaged me. I was very up front about having a girlfriend.
She began to ask me very personal questions about my feelings
towards my girlfriend. We chatted for about 20 minutes and a sick
feeling came over me. We stopped chatting and I signed in under
this stranger's name and put in the password that my girlfriend
uses for everything..and I got in. The stranger was my girlfriend.
I feel devastated and violated. I immediately asked her if that
was her...after a while she admitted it. I ended the relationship
immediately and want to have nothing to do with her. She thinks
I am being hateful and mean by ending it without trying to make
it work. Do you think that I am wrong for wanting to run like
hell from her?
Signed,
Devastated in Texas....
Dear
Devastated
No,
I do NOT think you are wrong! You gave your girlfriend a second
chance, and, as far as I am concerned, she blew it!
What
she did was so wrong! If she had concerns about how you felt about
her, she should have come to YOU and talked about it. Right from
the start she represented herself in a manner that wasn't true,
changed her way of treating you, then when you left begged for
another chance. She had that chance, and used lies and a false
identity to elicit personal information from you!
Stand
strong. You are entitled to a partner who will treat you with
honesty, respect, and trust.
You
said you were together a month or so, and she showed this kind
of behavior from the get go? I would run, and fast!
Good
Luck, Victoria
Dear
Victoria,
Thank
you for your advice column. Could you please define the following
for us (we're just a bunch of ignorant Aussies!): 'Stone' Butch/Femme,
'Top' and 'Bottom'.
Now
for our conundrum. We are a sort of butch/femme couple in that
one of us looks like a big Dyke and the other looks straight (except
the skirt rules this household *S*. We've been together about
a year (deliriously in love) and are each other's first girlfriends.
Since coming out we've had problems getting in touch with the
community and developing social networks, cause everyone assumes
Jq is straight and they summarily ignore us. We find that sometimes
our presence is met with outright hostility, often from gay men
as well as from lesbians. Jq is considering *GASP* getting her
hair cut.
Please
help us!
Ali
and Jq
G'Day
to you Ali and Jq!
Well,
how wonderful to hear our magazine is read in Australia! You asked
for definitions of some terms. Each person in the world will have
their OWN definitions of what these terms mean. And each one is
a valid definition!
I
suggest going to http://www.butch-femme.com for general definitions.
Then go to the F.A.Q. section. Four categories are defined there,
and that's a good place to go for help with your questions.
I
know all too well how difficult it is to find community! Feeling
invisible in the lesbian community is VERY hard a Femme. Butch/Femme
couples have often faced hostility in the straight world as well
as in the queer world. So many androgynous lesbians feel the B/F
life is passé, something to be scorned. Some believe we are imitating
patriarchal society. I have found such support, such strong community,
first online, then in real life.
I
suggest you peruse the butch-femme website. You'll find a very
cool page, called the Butch-Femme Planet, under the Forum section.
You'll see a page for each country! I just checked it out, and
saw a few messages from folks in Austailia looking for other B/F
couples for friendship. Often, finding community online can lead
to community in real life.
Butch-Femme.com
offers help for folks who want to start their own mailing lists.
You might want to consider this, and start your own butch-femme
mailing list for Australia. I know there are some of us there,
but don't know their names.
Don't
let others dictate the "type" of queers you should be. Live your
lives true to yourselves. And Jq, don't be cutting your hair,
unless YOU decide you want to!
All
the best
Victoria
continued
on page 2
|
