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c
o v e r s t o r y
Coming
out of the Queer Closet
by
Nedhera Landers
f e a t u r
e s
A
Response to Alix Dobkin's article "Queer & Present Danger"
by
De-Anna Alba
Living
Deliberately
by
Mowani Carter
The
Queering of Femininity
by
Susan Craigie
c o l u m n
s
Health
by
Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by
Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by
SexySuzi
Advice
by
Victoria
Fashion
by
Fran Fatale
Femme
Perspective
by
Christine
Butch
Perspective
by
Daddy Rhon
Publisher's
Note
Letter
from the Editor
Contribute
to Femme
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What do you want to ASK
VICTORIA?
Dear
Ms Victoria,
I
met
my Butch online. We live far apart. Now I am considering turning
my world upside down to move to be with her. I wonder if I am
doing the right thing since we have only spent a few weeks 'real
time' together. Do you think love is enough to justify moving
across the country?
Moving
Madness
Dear
MM,
They
say love conquers all, and that may be true. But please also consider
your plight in a practical light. Ask yourself some hard questions.
How well have you and your butch gotten along in those weeks?
Do you share similar likes and dislikes? Are you SURE it's love,
and not that sweet blush of new lust. Is your love returned? It
can be very traumatic to turn your life upside down, give up your
job, familiar surroundings, and friends. This should never be
done without careful consideration. Give yourselves ample time.
Spend more time together. Be sure of your feelings and TALK with
your butch. Communication is critical!
Good
luck!
Victoria
Dear
Ms. Victoria,
My
lover and I have been together for eons. Our love life is totally
wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But lately I
have been having other urges that my lover isn't able to satisfy.
Do you think I should ignore my urges or should I talk to my lover
about having a "open" relationship so I can explore?
Secret
Desires
Dear
Desires,
Eons,
you say? I think that over time two people can get so used to
each other, I hesitate to say bored, but......perhaps they fall
into a predictable routine. This is a common occurrence and it
takes intentional work to get past it. I certainly don't think
you should ignore your urges, and I don't think an "open" relationship
is likely to fix things nor satisfy those urges. It might even
serve to cause more problems. Talk with your partner. Explain
that you want to explore new avenues together. Try to avoid criticizing
your partner's "performance", but emphasize that you want to try
new things to rekindle the fire. Why not search out some books
of erotica that encompass things you want to try. Read them together
in bed. Or look for "marital aids" or new sex toys. Go to a "toystore"
with your partner, see what might interest her. If you are shy
about entering a 'toystore' try going online. That way, the two
of you can peruse catalogues from Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com),
or Toys in Babeland (www.babeland.com)
in the privacy of your own home. Set a "scene" for your lover
to come home too, be it a bubble bath and massage, lingerie, or
leather....you get the idea! Have fun! Don't be afraid to talk
and explore. But, explore WITH your partner, not without.
Victoria
Hi
Victoria!
I
am a single Femme living in the Midwest. When I go out to clubs
I see women who look butch, but they see right through me. Any
suggestions on how to get a butch's attention????
See-through
Sally
Hi
Sally! Well, as we all KNOW, most butches live by the 2x4 rule.
There are many different ways to get a butch's attention. You
can be blatant. Walk right up and ask the BUTCH to dance, or join
you for a drink. You can be subtle and coy. Make eye contact,
smile, look away...walk by, drop something, smile your thanks
when the butch picks it up. Make light body contact, such as putting
your hand on their arm. Lean just right to show off your "assets"
to best advantage. Unfair and a bit sexist? Perhaps, but sometimes,
a Femme has to do what a Femme has to do! Whatever approach you
use, do it with confidence, because there is nothing sweeter or
hotter than that Butch-Femme contact!
Victoria
Dear
Ms Vic,
Hello,
I am new to the SM scene. As I learn more I find that my desire
really lies in being a Femme top. Yesterday a friend of mine said
that a Femme can't be a Top. According to her, only butches can
be tops. I think this sounds so ridiculous. Have you heard this
before about only Butches being Tops?
Top
Femme Fatale
Dear
FF Top,
You
are right! Of course you can be a Femme and a Top! Just as much
as a Butch can be a bottom. Being a top or bottom has nothing
to do with being Butch or Femme. Finding the compliment to your
desires might not be easy, but it is possible. I admit, most butches
I know are Tops, but I know that doesn't make ALL of them tops.
I know some very hot, very Femme Tops. They are all Femme, with
a capital F, all the way! Good luck with your search! Don't give
up.
Victoria
Do
you want to ASK VICTORIA?
Email Victoria at victoria@stonefemme.com.
For
more information about the author
Victoria is not
a therapist or psychologist.
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