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c
o v e r s t o r y
Coming
out of the Queer Closet
by
Nedhera Landers
f e a t u r
e s
A
Response to Alix Dobkin's article "Queer & Present Danger"
by
De-Anna Alba
Living
Deliberately
by
Mowani Carter
The
Queering of Femininity
by
Susan Craigie
c o l u m n
s
Health
by
Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by
Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by
SexySuzi
Advice
by
Victoria
Fashion
by
Fran Fatale
Femme
Perspective
by
Christine
Butch
Perspective
by
Daddy Rhon
Publisher's
Note
Letter
from the Editor
Contribute
to Femme
|
 by
Rhon Drinkwater
Out
in the world, maybe I think a woman just smiled at me. I glance
casually over my shoulder to see if there is someone else she
might be smiling at. Is there a person behind me she knows? I
look up again, and yes… it seems as though she really is looking
at me.
As
a Butch, I am not accustomed to having feminine women see who
I am at all, except to see that I am not good at being pretty,
not even interested in being pretty. Doesn't this attractive lady
recognize that I am a fat, hairy dyke? Ahh, the Femme has clearly
recognized me before I recognized her. Isn't that always the way
it goes?
Coming
across that rare Femme creature outside of queer arenas is usually
a surprise to a Butch. It is our Femmes who know us like no one
else, and we stomp through life in our obviousness queerness,
looking for her. Those wonderful Femmes who love Butches see us
so clearly as we are, and yet spotting the Femmes has always been
our great challenge!
Butches
are highly visible as queers in the world. However, Femmes often
are assumed to be straight, until they choose to come out. They
can do that with real style and real drama, too. But when the
Femme is on the arm of a Butch, the archetypical dynamic of our
relationship is suddenly clear to all the world. Together, we
are not only visible… we are on fire! Is this a good gift we give
our Femmes? I don't know. Sometimes being visible can be both
dangerous and exhilarating. Men glance at me as if I have stolen
something that I have no right to, but I am proud of the courageous,
queer Femme on my arm
I
believe it might take some maturity for a Butch to truly understand
and appreciate a Femme. I know this was true for me. Even Butches
who adore Femmes may have some unsettled feelings about femininity,
especially if we fought to reject femininity as it was imposed
on us while we were being socialized as girls. Some Butches may
resent femininity, as most of us were hurt at some point simply
because we are so bad at it. As a result of our own struggles
with gender and identity, we may add to the Femme's invisibility.
For example, if she is at ease flirting with men, we might misunderstand
her unique sexuality, or question that sweet affection she has
shown for our own masculine nature. In doubting her, we also doubt
ourselves. While teasing my wife for all her charming girlie ways,
I try to remember that all over the world there is a general disregard
for femininity. My girl is wearing her gender like a graceful
jewel, and that is a very brave motion. I want the differences
between us to honor us both.
I
am witnessing the astounding explosion of the Butch-Femme
community online. Butches and Femmes are really getting to know
one another. It is particularly exciting to browse this site for
Femmes, by Femmes, and about Femmes. There are many cyber and
real-life resources for Butches and FTMs, but few places for Femmes
to bond and celebrate their unique gender, regardless of whom
their partners may be. Stonefemme.Com
and Femme: the magazine
are both very good resources for Butches who are trying to gain
more understanding of our partners.
I'm
listening.
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