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The
Queering of Femininity
by Susan Craigie
(Continued,
page 3)
The
hatred of all things female is a patriarchal concept. Enforcing
this idea is how the patriarchy works. Feminism saw that hatred
and proposed that we must deny our femininity. Queer femmes see
that hatred and choose to embrace and flaunt our femininity proudly.
It is a radical act.
What
makes our femininity radical is that it stands alone. It is not
in relation to men. It is a core part of our being - to be expressed
as we see fit. It is not for the titillation of men.
Have
you ever gone to a job interview or meeting with your child's
teacher with stockings and garters on? No one knows but you. It
is not to please, titillate, or attract. The power of self knowledge
is incredible. I am aware of the strength of my femininity - for
myself, to please butches. It is congruous with my core identity.
Is
it recognizable? Is it different than the femininity expressed
by straight women? I think so, and I've been on both sides of
the fence. When I lived my life as a straight women I feared my
femininity exactly because of its relationship to men. I was unwilling
to don lingerie in a situation that was institutionally and personally
unbalanced. I claimed my femininity, I could hardly deny it, but
I muted it for my own safety. Without that power imbalance I am
now free to fully express my femininity.
My
discussion of queer femininity would be incomplete without talking
about the butches we love. (I know that not all queer femmes are
attracted to butches, but I am focussing on the butch/femme dynamic
because it is what I know and understand.) I am
enthralled with the butch/femme dance. I love being appreciated
by butches, being admired, desired, and made love to. It is the
attraction of opposites without the institutionalized power imbalance,
without sexist oppression. It brings out the best in me. I want
to be 100% femme for a butch. To please hir, to draw hir to me,
to satisfy hir desire for the feminine. I feel liberated when
I can fully express my nature in this erotic dance. It is as queer
as it gets!
What
makes femmes recognizably different than straight women is our
pride. We may lament how difficult we are to identify - but look
more closely. Will she meet your eyes, will she stand a little
taller? Will you see a small smile cross her face that says she
sees you, knows you, and wants to be seen herself? It's there
in all of us. Beautiful queer femmes.
For
information about the writer
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