c o v e r s t o r y
Transgendered Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by Sonya Bolus

f e a t u r e s
Transgendered Lesbian
by Arlene Istar Lev
Passing as the Pope - the Story of Joan English
by Alison Phipps

c o l u m n s
Health
by Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by SexySuzi
Advice
by Victoria
Femme Perspective
by DeAnna
Butch Perspective
by E.T. Turner

Publisher's Note
Contribute to Femme

What do you want to ASK VICTORIA?

page 2

Dear Victoria,

I'm in my 40's, large and hot. I have done amazing amounts of work on myself in my short life and accomplished many things including raising two children, mostly by myself, being active politically, helping change laws, coming out, coming out in leather, becoming a health care professional, (mainstream and alternative).

I don't know about you, but where I'm from ( a mid-sized southern town) There aren't a lot of leather dykes. I can count the ones that are out on one hand. Getting laid is a mystery to me, usually it happens out of town.

I am not interested in drugs or getting trashed in bars. I fell in love over a year and a half ago with a butch about my age. The sex was so hot that I overlooked a lot about her lifestyle (marijuana and addictive behaviors mostly) We were not living together, nor did we plan to, but I gave a lot more in the relationship than she did. Only late did I realize that all her "plans" for our future were pipe dreams that she never intended on fulfilling. After almost a year, she became verbally abusive and did some really nasty things frequently (like throw my clothes on her floor and tell me to "Get Out!')

I tolerated a lot of stuff until she became abusive in public. She never called or apologized. She lived out of town (about 40 minutes) and toward the end moved to the next state. I tried to fill my life up with work and getting involved in other things. I saw her 3 months later at a Leather event in my town. Lo and behold, she had moved to my town!! She also entered a competition and won a local title. Now she is always in the bar (the only leather bar in town) and anytime I go to any leather thing, there she is. I have quit going for the last few months, I do not have a good time when I'm in the same place as her, and it turns out all the other leathergirls are into serious drugs and partying, too. (to the point of not wanting me around because I don't-no, really I was told so)

I am almost over being furious about this, but the problem is I've become a recluse. I don't like this, but I work very hard and on the few days I'm off, I'd rather not be in a place where I'm uncomfortable. The problem is that I have no way to meet women like myself. My size and age and no-drug stance make me poor pick-up material in the bars,and the pot luck-type dykes are not interested because of the leather thing. Moving is out of the question, my professional license is for this state only.

So help!! I've tried really hard to get over her (no, we'll never be friends) but it's hard to do when every time I go out, there she is. Any other Ideas?

growing older,
frustrated femme

Dear Frustrated

And how frustrating it must be! It is a sad thing, that in many small towns, the communites themselves are even smaller. I will first congratulate you on recognizing the relationship was turning abusive, and getting out of it. It seems from what you have said, that with the small number of Leatherwomen in your immediate area, you will have to look to other areas. There should be personal ads in some papers, mainsteam or alternative. You could also take advantage of the personal ads on www.Butch-Femme.com , either by answering some, or placing your own ad! You stated you were NOT into the drug and alcohol scene at the bar, and that that is where your ex hangs out, so while you are missing out on local leather community, just remember there is another probably closer than you think! Your licence is in your state only, but there are other towns and cities, in your state, that might have more to offer you. Subscribing to alternative papers from some of these places, contacting the local Lesbian and Gay centers could provide you with lots of info also. Check them out, and good luck in your search. Stay strong!

Victoria

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