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c
o v e r s t o r y
Transgendered
Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by
Sonya Bolus
f e a t u r
e s
Transgendered
Lesbian
by
Arlene Istar Lev
Passing
as the Pope - the Story of Joan English
by
Alison Phipps
c o l u m n
s
Health
by
Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by
Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by
SexySuzi
Advice
by
Victoria
Femme
Perspective
by
DeAnna
Butch
Perspective
by
E.T. Turner
Publisher's
Note
Contribute
to Femme
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What do you want to ASK
VICTORIA?
page
3
Dear
Victoria,
I
have a question for you. I have been with my girfriend for almost
8 months now. One thing that still bothers me is the fact everytime
we are out with her other friends, she has to have her arm around
them or touching on them. Its like I'm not even in the room. She
tells me she loves me but her actions around her friends tells
me different. Maybe, I'm old fashion about this stuff. But, when
I'm with a girl my hands are kept for only her. How would you
handle a situation like this?
Fed
Up
Dear
Fed Up
I
would start by telling her how it makes you feel when she does
this. Be open and direct with her, she may not sense that you
are feeling this way, and wont until you tell her. She just might
say she is sorry, and not do it anymore! Just be straight up and
tell her how it makes you feel to see her touching other women,
hugs between friends are a wonderful thing, good chance it is
nothing more than that. But the BEST advice I can EVER give anyone,
is COMMUNICATE!!
Good
Luck
Victoria
Dear
Ms Vic
My
girlfriend and I have been together for two months..the lovemaking
is awesome but recently she asked me if I would wear a strap-on..I
would do anything for her.. but it would be my first time and
could use any advice I could get..please help this butch out.
Thank
you
Clueless
Dear
Clueless
You
dont say where you live, but the couple ideas I have can be accomplished
online! Good Vibrations. They have a store in San Fransisco, and
can give you all the advice and guidance you need. From choosing
a harness, to helping you and your girlfriend choose a dick that
is right. In Seattle, there is Toys in Babeland, another "toy"
store, run by dykes, that are extremely helpful also. Both these
places have websites.. www.goodvibes.com www.babeland.com www.grandopening.com
is another place that has all sorts of info, things to order,
and "interesting" merchandise!
Good
luck, and happy shopping!
Victoria
Dear
Victoria,
Please,
please help. I am a twenty-three-year-old femme who started dating
a young (19 years) butch a year ago. She says that she loves me
and wants to be with me forever, even though this is her first
relationship. I am really feeling wary, though, if it is really
love. There are some things that have happened that have hurt
me. For example, she saw a picture of me with my ex-girlfriend
that had been taken during the time I dated this former lover.
She became extremely upset and suggested that we spend time alone.
Later she said that she felt jealous. We have an active sex life,
but I refused once to have sex because I was really tired. She
became very sarcastic and said she would find "someone else."
Later, she said that she had felt rejected and that she was "just
kidding" when she had acted mean. There are times when I really
connect with her, and she is very beautiful, but it seems like
she gets angry and sarcastic more and more, all the while writing
it off as "just kidding." I have spoken to her about it, but nothing
changes. She has told me that I am "stubborn" and "won't bend."
She has also called me a hypocrite. I feel that I have really
given my all to the relationship. There are times when she is
so sweet, and it just confuses me more when she says that I am
"holding past things against her." A friend and a parent have
told me that they think my girl is unstable and has anger problems.
I am desperate, though, for some advice from someone in the g/l/b/t
community.
Hurting
in SC
Dear
Hurting,
It
sounds to me, like your girlfriend has some insecurity issues,
and a bit of an anger management problem. She needs to realize,
you had a life, lovers, and friends before she became part of
your life, and that are bound to be reminders, photos etc.....As
long as the pictures of you and your ex, aren't prominently displayed,
or hanging above your bed, you dont need to worry. You can't take
every picture out of an album so that someone else doesn't get
upset! Her remark about "finding someone else" because you were
to tired for sex, was juvenile, and a deliberate dig to hurt you.
It was mean, and no amount of "just kidding" will make it less.
The problems you have had with her anger in the past, have not
been addressed by her, she refuses to see them as problems, and
if they are allowed to continue, you run the risk of it becoming
abusive. If others have noticed her anger and instability, then
they do need to be addressed. If you feel you have given it your
all, and you are still unhappy, then it could be time to move
on. Your girlfriend is young, and a tad immature, and unless she
is willing to get some counseling for her anger, you might want
to seriously think about getting out. Check with the local GLBT
chapter if you have one, they might have some good resources for
you.
Take
Care
Victoria
Do
you want to ASK VICTORIA?
Email
Victoria at victoria@stonefemme.com
For
more information about the author
Victoria
is not a therapist or psychologist.
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