c o v e r s t o r y
Transgendered Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by Sonya Bolus

f e a t u r e s
Transgendered Lesbian
by Arlene Istar Lev
Passing as the Pope - the Story of Joan English
by Alison Phipps

c o l u m n s
Health
by Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by SexySuzi
Advice
by Victoria
Femme Perspective
by DeAnna
Butch Perspective
by E.T. Turner

Publisher's Note
Contribute to Femme

What does it mean to have your lover and partner change gender, effectively forcing you to find a new way of being in the world, if not a new identity? While this is not a straight-forward issue, it is one that many femmes are finding themselves facing, as medical procedures and hormonal treatments become more accessible to our butches and more accepted in the queer community. What follows is an account of my journey, as a femme who supported my former partner of three years as he entered and moved through transition. It reflects my unique experience and the understandings that I have reached in the process. I know I am not at the end of my journey and that I don't have all the answers, by any means. But I can perhaps offer some insight and food for thought.

I fell in love with Dean* when he was Linda*, an old-school stone butch who fulfilled many of my fantasies of what I wanted in a lover and partner. Perhaps it was not fair to project my ideals onto this person, and even more significantly, to desire that which was actually painful for him to embody. Perhaps to some degree, I objectified him as the penultimate butch. But regardless of the fairness of my desire for him, I know what I felt. I know that the way in which I loved him was very much about a femme loving a butch.

We fell head-over-heels in love and moved in together six months after we met. We married six months after that. Time felt too precious to waste. During much of our first year together, Dean was extremely depressed. Much of this was grief for the loss of his mother, who had died seven months previous to our meeting. But unbeknownst to me, (and in part, even to himself), his mother’s death had set the stage for him to look more deeply at his gender issues. It was as if her death had released him; he no longer had to be her "good daughter" or fear her disappointment or rejection. In addition, I believe my approach to him allowed him room to explore his transgendered nature without fear of rejection; I related far more to his maleness than I ever did to his lesbianism. While it would be pure ego to say that he made the decision to transition because of me, I believe he felt more support from me to celebrate and cultivate his masculinity than he had previously.

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