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Transgendered
Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by
Sonya Bolus f e a t u r
e s
Transgendered
Lesbian
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Arlene Istar Lev
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Transgendered
Butches and FTMs: a uniquely femme perspective
by
Sonya Bolus
(continued,
page 2)
About
six months after we had met, at the age of 48, he came to the
decision to have top surgery, (breast removal and male chest reconstruction).
It was not a decision to transition, but it was the first step
of many along that path. In retrospect, I am still somewhat amazed
by the fact that I had sensed this decision coming on, even ahead
of his own conscious acknowledgement of it. On the one hand, his
decision was confusing to me. On the other hand... natural.
Like
many femmes and butches, I have often wondered if I am actually
a lesbian at all, since I am really not attracted to sameness.
I am not a "woman-loving woman"; I like butches. This is a fine
distinction, but an important one. I call myself a dyke out of
respect for my history, for the butches, femmes and other lesbians
who came before me, because I have great pride in my heritage.
But I have discovered that, above all else, I love and adore the
transgendered statement in a butch. When I am with a TG butch,
I feel most fulfilled as a femme. I understand and celebrate this
sort of sexual connection more than any other. While I can visit
other sexual places, this is "home".
No
one ever "trained" me or mentored me on how to be with butches
or how to understand their maleness. I just knew. In fact, there
is a dual reality that I experience in sex with a TG butch. I
am aware of the mechanics of what I am experiencing physically.
But mentally and in some deep, essential way, I am actually experiencing
something else. I relate to my butch's female body as if it is
male. In fact, thinking of or relating to a TG butch as if he
were female would be utterly confusing to me. I absolutely see
TG butches as guys, (though not in the same way that I see biological
men as guys). It is difficult to express, yet it is extremely
profound to me... very deep... deeper than words.
continued
page 3
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