c o v e r s t o r y
Transgendered Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by Sonya Bolus

f e a t u r e s
Transgendered Lesbian
by Arlene Istar Lev
Passing as the Pope - the Story of Joan English
by Alison Phipps

c o l u m n s
Health
by Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by SexySuzi
Advice
by Victoria
Femme Perspective
by DeAnna
Butch Perspective
by E.T. Turner

Publisher's Note
Contribute to Femme

Transgendered Butches and FTMs: a uniquely femme perspective
by Sonya Bolus

(continued, page 3)

In my own coming out journey, I went through a rather intense process to travel full-circle back to my high-femme self expression. I found that I needed to deconstruct my femininity, because it was layered with an assumed orientation towards men. I gradually and consciously reconstructed it as a means of self expression, both true to my core identity and as it is oriented toward butches. I consider this to be quite a radical act, and a process in which I take great pride. In fact, I am grateful to have been pushed to examine myself in such depth, as I believe that I now embrace my gender and sexuality with greater consciousness and understanding than most people, gay or straight, ever have the opportunity to do.

So at the point in Dean's transition when I realized that he no longer considered himself a butch, I was devastated. As I noted previously, his decision to transition FTM was made in stages. When he started his transition, he was very adamant that he was not a man and that he would always be a butch. But by the time he was two years into his transition, although he retained a sense of butch masculinity, he found that it was no longer the identity with which he felt comfortable. (Whether he was ever a butch to begin with, is a question that can probably never be answered. He was born into an era when gender re-assignment was practically unheard of. Merely living as a lesbian was an incredibly dangerous and courageous act. If he were 20 years old today, with the options available now, who knows whether he would have ever defined himself as either butch or stone.)

I heard the word "never" many times throughout Dean's transition, only to see each "never" crumble, again and again. "I'll never take testosterone." "I'll never use the men's bathroom." "I'll never be a man." "I'll never want to be with a man." "I'll never want a dick." "I'll never not be your butch."

My trust was slowly eroded.

continued page 4