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c
o v e r s t o r y
Transgendered
Butches and FTM's: a uniquely Femme Perspective
by
Sonya Bolus f e a t u r
e s
Transgendered
Lesbian
by
Arlene Istar Lev
Passing
as the Pope - the Story of Joan English
by
Alison Phipps
c o l u m n
s
Health
by
Dr. Lipstick
Wealth
by
Ms. Moneygrrl
Sex
by
SexySuzi
Advice
by
Victoria
Femme
Perspective
by
DeAnna
Butch
Perspective
by
E.T. Turner Publisher's
Note
Contribute
to Femme
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Transgendered
Butches and FTMs: a uniquely femme perspective
by
Sonya Bolus
(continued,
page 6)
I
am a femme for myself: feminine and queer. Never straight, but
never androgynous. I am all girl, couldn't be any other way without
a piece of me dying inside. But yes, I am for a butch. I am most
femme when I am with a butch. The more masculine and "true" a
butch he is, down to his core, the stronger my sense of "femmeness"
becomes. My femme statement is heightened. My femme sexuality
emerges full-force. I am always, always a femme. But I am fully
realized only when I am in the arms of a butch. When he is fucking
me... When I take his dick into me... When I am held in his embrace...
When I walk on his arm... Proud and strong... And woe to those
who would question our right to be together or who look at us
askance... I'd as soon as rip their eyes out than not. Fierce
femme. And strong. Yes.
My
sexual preferences, orientation, desires and attraction are not
defined by the biological response and physiological arousal that
can happen with sex. It is not the mechanics of sex that attracts
me to a butch, that gets me WILD. What turns me on so much, far
beyond the physical sensation, is the essence of the butch-femme
sexual dynamic. And the edge. The gender-fuck, fuck-the-world,
THIS is what I am, what I WANT, give it to me! I am a girl who
likes cock. But I also know that I want a butch cock, not a flesh
cock. It is the "butch-ness" of a butch cock, rather than the
"cock-ness" of it, that makes me want this kind of sex so much
and makes it so deeply satisfying to me. Straight up, I feel so
FEMME when I'm being fucked by a butch with his dick. And I love
feeling my femme energy surge.
It
is really about honoring my femme self.
So,
was it difficult for me to hold to my identity as a femme through
Dean's transition? It was -- except that I don't know how not
to be a femme. It just is who I am. But what I have discovered
in the past several years, is something I have intrinsically known
all along: I am a femme who desires TG butches, not usually butch
women, not men, not even transmen.
I
know my capacity for loving and desiring is broad. But it is the
gender blend that I most love, whether it manifests physically,
politically, as an statement of socialization or of gender consciousness.
The specificity of my attraction means that as FTMs move further
toward "man", my desire peaks and then falls off. This is not
a comment on the "rightness" of their decision to transition.
It is simply a statement of my attraction. It is not an easy thing,
to be the one who desires that which is so difficult to maintain
in this world.... being neither man nor woman... but something
incredibly more than "neither". However, I know this to be where
my truest desire lies.
continued
on page 7
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