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 Send
questions to Dr Lipstick at lipstick@stonefemme.com
Dear
Dr. Lipstick
Dear
Dr. Lipstick:
In
reading your column in February 2000, I was disappointed to see
that you suggested nonoxynol-9 as a method to prevent HIV transmission.
I am a front line service provider…and we absolutely…will NOT
provide n-9 products. This is for three reasons. The first is
because so many people develop an increased sensitivity to latex
when they use the stuff. Secondly, the side effects from n-9 actually
increase your chances of HIV infection. It only kills HIV in the
petri dish [in laboratory testing]. The side effects include numbing
of the mucosa, lesions, blisters and rashes….The third reason
is that the research was sooooo unethical that we refuse to support
such a vile company….
Thanks,
Femme
Extraordinaire in Vancouver
Dear
Canadian sister,
Thank
you so much for raising this issue and bringing to light some
important facts. What I actually wrote was "Use water-based lubes
to preserve the integrity of condoms, dams, cocks and sex toys.
Many lubes contain nonoxynol-9, which helps kill HIV. Some people
are allergic to it, so read the labels carefully." I did do some
more research on N-9 and found the following:
· In laboratory and animal studies, N-9 has been shown to destroy
bacteria and other viruses, including HIV.
· Studies with humans in real life settings have been inconsistent
and inconclusive as to the efficacy and safety of N-9.
· Studies have shown increased inflammation and ulceration of
the vaginal lining with frequent usage and increased dosages of
N-9, which can increase the risk of HIV.
· Studies of low doses of N-9 have also found no association with
genital ulcers.
· 5-10% of women are thought to be allergic to N-9 and can't use
any N-9 product without irritation.
Clearly
we need to know more and we need more options! For more information
on this topic and other related health issues, see the following
websites:
http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/topics/women/
[tons
of great info on this topic and excellent links to other sites,
as well as an interview with Felice Newman, author of the new
book The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of
Us]
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/microbi.htm
[Guide to Microbial Research and Development]
http://www.lesbianstd.com
[good info on sexually transmitted diseases among females who
have sex with females…including a comment by yours truly in the
Q & A section: "Butches, gender identity, and health care "]
Dear
Dr. Lipstick,
I
have a problem…my lover is multi-orgasmic, many times having upwards
of 20 orgasms per session. I, on the other hand, have maybe 2-3
at most per session...and that's usually an exception. The problem
I feel is not with me, because I'm perfectly satisfied with our
lovemaking and the orgasms I do obtain, but she feels inadequate
at times because she doesn't please me as I do her. Is this a
difference in anatomy or performance?
Satisfied in Sarasota
Dear
Satisfied,
I
do believe you are both completely anatomically correct! I am
not a sex therapist or sexuality researcher, but I do know that
we as females pretty much have the same goods. However, we are
all wired a bit differently. Some of us can access our orgasmic
spots more easily than others…some of us orgasm from different
parts of our genitals or other parts of our bodies…and many of
us experience orgasm differently than each other. It also depends
on what kind of sex you have and how that part of your body responds
to touch …or whatever it is you are experiencing. J
I
think the most salient point, as you noted, is that you are satisfied!
There are femmes who can orgasm all night and others that are
happy with a single event…and the same is probably true for butches.
It is so important that we talk these issues out with our partners…and
listen carefully to what each person is saying. Your lover needs
to hear you, trust that what you say is true for you, and come
to understand that her feelings of inadequacy are hers and need
not be tied to your physical needs or responses. Perhaps gently
remind her that what is good for the goose ain't necessarily good
for the gander...and vice versa. And make sure she knows how satisfied
you really are!
continued
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